Wednesday, October 17, 2012

The Battle

Crawling in dark tunnels, searching, searching for the light you told me I'd find. I've been here for so long, that I have lost track of time. Been so many places, took one too many turns if I tried to go back I'd end up somewhere else. That is not an option. I'm living with my fate, the choices I made.
Didn't I realize they'd effect me?
What am I doing now?
Will it fire back at me later?
Why am I here?
What did I do to deserve what I have been given?
Life?
What is life?
Happiness?
What happiness?
Why so many questions? I don't have any answers and it's unbearable.
Everyday I bring a knife to my throat watch the blood drip, drop by drop into your mouth satisfying your never ending hunger. It's draining me, I'm almost dead. You say you love me but demand more, more and more. Can't you see you are killing me? Is that love? You say everything happens because of our own actions, that nothing is anybody's fault. But I feel expected to do the things I am doing.
Why can't I be be myself?
Is it because I enjoy the feeling of dying?
Because crying is the only way I sleep at night?
The beauty runs down my cheeks, it was all a fake, a mistake, an illusion for myself. I need to get this poison out of me but I can't, so I compress it. This brick I've made, break the walls, shatter glass, the looking glass, windows to the past.  Forget about it all, I can't get it back.

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