Monday, May 27, 2013

Random Scrawls from Random Notebooks

I'm just a dumb bitch
that smokes half a camel cigarette 
two times a day
I'm running, running and
my feet are not touching the ground
I wear my sunglasses
halfway down my nose
and juggle glittering balls 
for pennies that can't go in 
street meters
I wish I didn't have blond hair
so I dyed it green
If you "make eyes" at me
thats when I get mean
don't cry, or you'll
remind me of my aunt
the day her cat died...
It got hit by a car
one of those electric kind
that look like bugs.

___________________________

Who can see the pain in a child
when the sun shines in their eyes?

___________________________

Lets live to fullfil the lusts that others bring us, the joys that are thrown our way, the times of sadness we like to focus on, let these get us through our day. When people act like they want to kill us- most of the time they probably do, learn to ignore and fuck them over with skillful glances and evil eyes. But don't forget, that after a battle one must always laugh it off...snicker, giggle..cackle, roar, heal the wounds the battle bore. Nothing can penetrate laughter, so if you can, laugh while in the battle as well..  It is an intense technique that advanced warriors use... it will keep you from being wounded, but it also pisses your opponent to no end, making him fight longer. You might be better off just focusing on their strategies to make your own-build your knowledge on the art. Don't be afraid to push your limits though. This is how you learn your boundaries, and grow. Eye contact. This is another key. So is confidence, that'll piss your opponent as well but you are fighting after all, what is a little more anger?

___________________________

They got the bumpity bumps and they got the trills and thrills... the bass drops and the jingles, always searching for the soul the feeling that makes your heart drop makes you stop and think awhile.
Oh, but we want the fame, the power in our name... schools are the answer, teachers are the key, give us all our money... we'll move your feet to a dance.  

___________________________

My heart is heavy, my spirit is not dancing- 
the beats are all wrong- I'm confused.
This is the season for new beginnings 
a time to breath the breath of life.
Why am I choking? 
Suffocating? 
Dying? 
My eyes pool
 and threaten to spill over...
A part of me wants to raise the dam,
let loose and free these feelings
BUT
a greater part is holding back
enjoying the suffering.
I feel and aura of energy around me- it can't mingle with the happiness and joy of everyone I am near, and they feel it too... My stomach is sick, my teeth clenched- I can't let go, and I'm scared. 
The outdoors, what I connect to like no other- holds no beauty this evening. The warm spring rain chills me to the bone ... and while I'm sure a bird sings somewhere, I do not hear it. Where did the sun go? I can always feel his rays even on the cloudiest days- but even as he shines I do not know his presence. I am trying to reach for a better feeling, thought, memory, nothing is there. To my right is a rainbow, on the left a sunset ... overhead, a handful of starlings are flying with a pair of seagulls- I cannot find or feel any beauty in it. I am going to break this. I have to. Because it's not who I am.
I'm going to describe what I see!
- The seagulls pearly white wings almost blended with the sky,
This isn't working. That sounded like shit. 
Retry-
The sunset was efwlkjbdp94yt3p9qufhapi I CAN'T FUCKING SPELL!
Well, anyway---
It was lots of shades of purple. Purple is my favorite color, it makes me happy-it didn't-but we're going to pretend...that'll be fun, right? So yeah, when I saw the sky, my heart was over flowing with happiness, I couldn't stop smiling, the light was reflecting in my eyes- yep, it can do that! Well, my eyes turned purple to put it bluntly... the purple (it's a light, bright, deep, electric kind of purple- full of light) it filled my entire mind, I stopped thinking ... and only felt. 
A seagull swooped down and whispered in my ear "You are beautiful, Hannah."
It worked!!! I got it! I'm so proud of myself.

___________________________

I came in as a beam
Radiant... 
I am universal.

___________________________

Life is a dance
We can't hold back, 
Got to give it our all
follow the call
obey the moves
and put in soul
Make it our own
show the world
The story you tell
is the story you get
Little bit
at a time
Gotta give it time
make the most of every
moment
Dance in the 
violets
Laugh with the 
rain
Sing with the 
birds
Call out your name-
the hills answer back
they know where you're at.

___________________________

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