Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Why

fear of rejection...need a sense of direction...failing the general election...desires for mutual affection...a world of corruption...a place of shattered dreams...a life of silent screams...bursting at the seams...a flower restrained...when it's contained...a bird can still make melody...

Why me? Isn't that such a common question.

Why anybody really, so for me, right here, right now, I'm asking... Why? Why, why, why, why, why.

Why is there the damned word religion. Why do people want something to believe in. Why can't people rely on themselves. Why did that church ever exist. Why did my parents go there. Why were they lied to. Why all the hate. Why the rejection. Why the tears. Why. Why did my dad quit his job. Why did we have to be poor. Why did I have so much pain. Why do we need money. Why do I have to take care of this. Why am I so scared. Why do I want to live. Why. Why am I crying. Why isn't my family here for me. Why don't I have a place to live. Why can't I make enough money. Why do I do the things I do. Why am I happy. Why am I lost. Why can't my life be normal. Why are some people so lucky. Why do perverted people exist. Why did I let myself be abused. Why did I care. Why do I still care. Why do I not care. Why can't I see what everyone else sees. Why don't I want to give up.

Why

do

I

try

to

be

strong.


Why is there no one here to tell me it's going to be okay. Why do I want that someone. Why am I so proud. Why am I so insecure. Why do I need all this on my mind. Why can't I just live. Why isn't the world how it used to be. Why is there drama. Why do people fall in love.

I don't even know what to do anymore.

Whatcha going to do when I walk into you and say that they way we were is how I wanna be and that the days we spent together were not in vain that your blood still courses through my veins making me breath. You were my one true love all those years.. and when we broke apart that was the space I needed to break my fears to come out and be my true self. I know I'm different, I'm not the actor you knew. That strong character was falling in a slew of his own misery and now that I'm out and my face is shining I don't need your light to guide my way. Those days are over and change is pain. I don't mean to hurt you and I realize I have and maybe I still am, but though it all I still see you as the beautiful being you always were to me- and your beauty never dies but grows stronger with each breath you take. And when the evil in you comes out, though it might kill me just a little to know it's inside I still admire the sparkle in your eyes just to know that one can live with the burdens you bare... keeps me going. It is not a secret though you try to keep it, you carry the weight of the world when you should only care about yourself.. what you take on is not yours but the concern you have for other's well being exceeds anything you've ever wanted for you. And then you wonder why you cry at night and why this and why that... have you ever stopped to look where you're at?
You cannot keep letting others throw their bundles at you! You say it's rewarding in the end- but look what you've done for me and I'm still hurting you.
Maybe you're hurting yourself. You say you know it.

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