Tuesday, February 10, 2015

I'm scared.

Omg it's just all so scary right now....the little stupid things that can be overlooked or worked out Im 
Overthinking, and wondering if it's a little red flag...something I should pay attention to ...it's past the point where I'm like, it's just a relationship, if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. Now it's a relationship, and I want it to work out and if it doesn't, it will be a big deal. A big emotional deal. And not just for Michael and I, but for his family....my family (kinda) and for the people who love us as Michael and Hannah.

In a way it's too good to be true....the SHIT we went though,  and actually made it through.

The fact that he feels like a huge part of the person I've become.

I can sit on the couch and not even realize he's sitting next to me, because Michael is my normal.

How are we going on two years into this and not tired of seeing each other everyday..... This is what it is like to be in love, I know that now.......but how long is this fucking fairy tale going to last? Nothing like this ever lasts. Ever.
I have so many questions and so many logical explanations in my mind....but I just....dunno.

I feel like it's a really hot summer day and I had the perfect idea to go jump off a bridge into the river.....I excitedly get on my swim shorts and drive to the bridge, I climb up and have a friend waiting with my phone to capture a picture of my free fall into the river. I'm so excited and it all seems like a great idea up until the point where I have to jump. I know I can swim, I know I won't get hurt and I know how refreshing the cool river will feel. But still, I stand shaking, heart pounding in fear and excitement...........

I'm about to free fall into the future and I don't know if I can handle the adrenalin rush.

I'm scared.